Dearest Pumpkins,

I know that the last time that I thought of you it was with disdain and anger but after a get together with my friend Stephanie I've decided that we should try to work things out. She showed me a new and more child friendly way to decorate you, keep my cool and make family memories. I hope that you can accept my apologies and remember that I appreciate you for more than just a scary face.

Your Friend Again,
Michelle

Of course the adults and the dedicated one, Hyrum, were the ones that ended up finishing all of the details but I didn't mind because I like this sort of stuff.

Erin, Rachel, Hyrum, Sofia, Sergio A., Keenan

A Day Unlike Any Other

Well, another year has come and gone without any mention or hint of remembrance on my husbands part. I'm not really mad at him or surprised for that matter. I know that unless I make mention of what is to come before it's time, his memory fails him. And yet, as ungrateful as it sounds I think that I would have like to have the opportunity to discuss or not to discuss how I feel. I honestly don't know if I would have taken anyone up on the offer to listen to my thoughts but it would have been nice to have the opportunity. I guess I could have turned to my friends for a listening ear but in reality I haven't been able to find any one that I click with. I'll probably give a better explanation on that subject a different day. Right now my thoughts are turned to something else. What I have to say next is something that I feel compelled to share.


It was 3:30 in the morning on 1996 when I had awoken from a nightmare. I don't remember any of the details now but, I do remember how I felt. Frightened. Later on that day I had a volleyball tournament with my Junior high and things didn't get any better. Of course we lost. It was our first year of sports and our team was very inexperienced. However that's not what made things worse. During the tournament I had managed to make a few of the tough girls on my team upset with me. I could feel them plotting against me but at the time I figured that things would just blow over and they would get over our misunderstanding. (I later found out that they were planning to jump me after school the following Monday.) When I got home the routine was the same. Eat my dinner in silence and then retreat to my room to watch TV all night. The only thing that was out of the ordinary was a phone call from my sister, Melissa. She sounded a little upset but I don't remember asking her if everything was alright. She informed me that I needed to go down to Houston tomorrow. She was insistent on the fact that I bring some dark colored dresses. I didn't get it. But I knew that I didn't want to go. The popular kids in school had invited me to go and hang out with them on Sunday and I didn't want to miss the chance to finally "fit in". Of course I didn't tell Melissa that. I think I made up some excuse about a school project that I had to finish. Melissa didn't budge and I gave in.

We left bright and early the next morning. I don't remember much conversation on the way but that wasn't unusual for my family. When we arrived at Dad's house I was surprised to see ALL of my brothers and sisters there. I knew something was up. Why would they all be together without fighting. That's when they told me.

Mom and Scott were one their way to Arkansas to visit Aunt Karen.
"I know that. Mom called before she left."
On their way there it was raining pretty hard and there were lots of semis on the road. As Mom got closer to Karen's house there was a car that used the exit ramp as an entrance. One particular car saw her and tried to get her attention but it seemed to be of no use. Lots of cars dodged the car headed the wrong way. Michelle, one of the semis moved over from the left lane to the right because he saw the car coming the wrong way. Michelle, Mom didn't have time to react, she was driving right behind the semi and she was hit head on. When the ambulance arrived and they opened Mom's door. She had blood coming from her ears. Michelle. Mom is dead.

There I was a 13 year old little girl trying to taking in the fact that her mom was gone. I honestly don't think that I fully understood the dept of emotions that I was about to feel. I do know that instead of immediately letting it all sink in I began to talk about her funeral preparations. I knew that mom loved yellow so I insisted on yellow roses. I'm sure that I mentioned a few more things all to hopefully push the immediate swell of emotions aside. Mom and I were never very close. But she is my mother. And just as we've heard time and time again. "You don't know what you've got until you've lost it." My relationship with my mother is one that I would love to go back in time and improve upon. The funeral was sad and it hurt to see my mothers disfigured, lifeless body. I knew that she wasn't there any more but what I didn't realize is that this was the beginning of many solemn moments to come.

It's been 13 years and I don't think that I've been able to comprehend the multiple layers of emotions that one feels when they loose a parent. Only recently, I realized that October has always been a difficult month for me and everyone around me. My college roommates are the ones that probably felt the effects of my inability to express my emotions and pin point it's origins the most (I'm sorry about that girls). I'm sure that those around me may doubt my progression to control my emotions during the month of October but I can honestly say that I'm better than before. It's just hard. Not because I'm suffering from deep depression but I find myself acting a little unusual. My tears are a little more often, my heart is a tad bit more tender and my solitude is a little more apparent.


Years have passed so I guess it's understood that no one would ever really consider that my wounds are still mending. I miss my Mom. And there are times that I long to hear her voice and remember the sound of her laughter. I wasn't blessed with the opportunity to know her like everyone else and the few videos that we had of her were burned when Dad's house caught fire. It makes my heart sad that I don't have many memories, photos, videos or personal stories to share with my children . I sometimes find myself wishing that I was a dreamer so Mom could visit me in my dreams but that only happened once and I woke up ashamed that I had lost Mom's pendent, she knew it.

I do thank the Lord that I have never once questioned His will. Of course I was heart broken and I still feel the aches and pains of her missing presence but for me that is what the Lord allowed. I have faith in His plan and ultimately in His wisdom. I know that my Mom loves me. I do feel it but, that doesn't mean that my heart won't ache from time to time.

Cheerio Tuesday Turned Workbook Inspiration

So I've been doing my best to get all of the stay at home mom's to get together once in a while to get some adult conversation in with play time. Sadly enough it hasn't worked too well. The only two that usually show are the Hills and my little ones. Don't get me wrong, the Hills are fantastic but I usually hope for more. I got a little discouraged last month but tried my luck again this month. I put the word out for Cheerio Tuesday at my house. I did my best to make sure that everyone felt included and invited but when Tuesday came I was a little sad. Especially for the first half hour. It was just me and the kids and then to kick me when I'm down the kids decided that Cheerios really aren't that fun so they went to play toys. There I was with my Elmer's glue, cheerios and Halloween picture, all alone. Pitiful huh.

The Hills and Minnie did end up coming but I was still making my way out of my own personal pity party. After a while I did snap out of it and I was able to borrow a great idea from Stephanie.

I was talking about getting a few workbooks for Sergio since his interest in writing has finally bloomed. Then Stephanie told me what she had done for her kids and I was amazed. Instead of making copies of workbook pages or buying millions of workbooks she used laminate pages and dry erase markers. WHAT!?! That's a great idea. As we were discussing I threw out the idea of using sheet protectors, that way you could put the pages in a binder and keep some sort of organization. Stephanie said the wider variety of markers the better because it keeps the work interesting. Amazing.

Sergio and I went out that week and got the needed supplies.

Sheet Protectors (the ones WITH a glare)

Low Odor Dry Erase Markers (this is going to be the most expensive)

Pre-School Workbook (We got this one at Sam's 300 pages for $8)

Binder (found an old one)

Marker Holder (make sure that this one is difficult to open...cause those markers aren't cheap)

A little toilet paper (or they can use their finger to erase)

I love this can! No one can open it! See!

Result.......

One Happy, Astute Boy and Girl! :)

What's In A Name?

Earlier today I took the kids outside to get some sun and play with side walk chalk. I've come to the conclusion that I appreciate and enjoy their activities much more than they do. No biggie, I guess. Anyways, I was trying to everyone excited about drawing different pictures on the floor when Sergio Arturo pointed out that he had written out the letter "S". Trying to compose myself and make sure that I was not overly excited (Last time I got too intense for him and scared him off). I applauded his efforts and told him that he had done a wonderful job. Gently, I suggested that he try another letter and then the next thing you know this happened.

I showed him an example and he replicated. Obviously I tweaked the color so you can see it better. Awesome Huh?!

Let's Go to Abuelito's House!

Sergio Arturo has been asking to go visit Abuelito for some time. I love that he loves my Dad's, his house and his trampoline. :) My kids are nuts but I'll tell you that is why Dad keeps that thing around. He knows that the kids love it and it's great exercise (that's a Dad quote). We showed up semi unannounced. Dad is usually good with an hour warning but my step mother was home so that always makes things a little more stressful. Lucky for us once we showed she had stepped out for a while so we had stress free Dad all to ourselves.

When the kids walked in they were ecstatic to see "Abuelito"! They ran and gave him a big hug, with Sofia's lasting a little longer. Then of course Dad had a little something to give each of them. This time it was cell phone flash lights. Sergio Arturo was elated while Sofia was more concern with where Dad's huge stuffed puppy was. I did convince them to eat before we headed out to jump on the trampoline. Unfortunately I couldn't participate but Dad was easily coxed inside. Oh, how the kids had fun with Dad. So much so that when it was time for us to go and pick up their Dad, Sergio Arturo came up with this.

"Mami, listen. This is a good deal. You go and pick up Papi while Sofia and I stay here at Abuelito house. Then you come back and pick us up."

Uhhh...when did he turn into a grown up? (actually he's done this quite a few times before. I think it started back in August) It was a Friday and I figured that it would be ok with my husband so I told Sergio that he had to ask Abuelito if that was a good plan. Dad say that it was fine with him. When I left, the kids were jumping and of course when I came back an hour and a half later they were still jumping. Gosh, Dad is awesome! All in all it we knew it was a good visit when the kids fell asleep before we pulled out of the driveway.

PS If you are wondering the Hulks shirt was also a gift from my Dad. :) Awesome huh?!

Pumpkin Break-Up

After Conference on Saturday I decided to get a pumpkin for our family. "Wouldn't it be so much fun to carve it as a family. I'm sure the kids will go wildly insane cause carving pumpkins is awesome." UHHH NO! Everything that I had pictured in my little Betty Crocker mind went south, quickly. First Sergio decided to have a cook out with his brother last minute and he HAD to go shopping with him. SO family home evening had to wait. Then when he did get back I was already grumpy that they had taken so long but we still proceeded. With all the cameras ready and on, the kids were not interested in cutting the pumpkin. Too many distractions with everyone home. Then I thought. "Oh what fun it will be when I finally corner my kids and let them help us take out the pumpkin innards."

Sergio Arturo's face properly displays his feeling for that idea. My kids were 100% grossed out. And the only reason I got Sergio Arturo to touch ONE SEED was by threats. Terrible, I know, but I was desperate. "This is supposed to be fun!", I thought. "A night filled with family memories."


I took a few minutes to compose myself. Let the kids go about their business. Sent Sergio to play with his little brother and did the rest on my own. Yes, pumpkin insides are gross. And watching someone struggle to carve a giant pumpkin by herself is pitiful. But to make matters worse our pumpkin rotted three days later. Oh I was SO grumpy! All that heart ache for a moldy piece of mush. That's it.

Dear Pumpkins,

You and I are no longer carving buddies. Your faces that light up at night and make my kids giggle will only be achieved if purchased as a reusable plastic one. Thanks for letting me put a knife to your face but obviously it's just not working out.

Hope to see you as a cookie soon,
Michelle

Spotty

For Sergio Arturo's second Christmas our "Official Babysitter" Chris gave him a toddler sized dinosaur, T-Rex to be more specific. At first I wasn't too sure about this gift and Sergio Arturo paid little to no attention to his new companion. Sergio Arturo didn't completely neglect his dinosaur friend. he did take the time to name his T-Rex a while before Sofia decided to lay claim. He is heart-warmly known as Spotty. That's the same name as Chris' dog so I guess that's another reason why no one was afraid of Spotty's presence. He, Spotty, was just sitting around most of the time waiting to be played with until, Sofia started to show some interest in our toddler T-Rex. It was pretty simple at first. A few pats on the head and an imaginary meal or two. However as time passed their friendship grew into Sofia taking Spotty on "walks" (she would usually just hug him by the neck and drag him around the house.), putting Spotty to sleep with his own personal pillow and blanket, giving Spotty time out when he made a bad choice, giving Spotty baths, praying with and for him and even as going as far as baptizing Spotty. I've been quite amused by the whole thing and of course since Sofia has recognized Spotty's coolness Sergio Arturo has done so as well. I wish that I would have taken more pictures of all the Love but I guess I was too busy enjoying those moments for myself. We did catch a cute moment of Sofia falling asleep with her good friend Spotty. She was more than exhausted while we were watching conference and only fell asleep when Spotty was safe in her arms.